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We want love-but we want it without the sacrifice. Unfortunately, we are quick to settle for a counterfeit of this love. Having searched for the answer to this question in my own heart time and time again, I believe it’s because every human heart longs for love. Why is it that pornographic-and even violent and abusive-books & movies can cause such an excitement? I wanted to feel wanted, to feel beautiful, to feel desired, the way that these made-up characters such as Anastasia appear to be. It was a thrill for me. The “romance” found in these books totally gripped my heart- in the moment, I would put myself into the shoes of these characters. Unlike the common stereotype of porn addicts, I was a woman who struggled with pornography in a variety of forms-including books, and even music.Īlmost daily, I sought out reading material similar to Fifty Shades of Grey. You see, just a couple months before this incident at the bookstore, I was completely caught up in addiction to pornography and masturbation. Silent… because I was all too familiar with this type of book. Silent… because inside I was warring with myself. I was silent as my friend bought the book. Okay… So it might not be your idea of a crazy college night out, but if you are a fan of books- you know how adventurous this can get.Īs we began strolling through the bookstore, one of the girls I was with jumped in excitement as she noticed a stack of books tucked on the shelves. All of a sudden, they were gushing over the details of this book called “Fifty Shades of Grey,” and my new friend happily reported that she wanted to go buy it. My first crazy college night out on town consisted of a walk with some of my new friends to the local bookstore. Her desires aren't encouraged or asked about she's just expected to be part of his lifestyle."į has a list of domestic abuse hotlines and national organizations for donation.ĥ0 Shades Is Abuse is protesting on February 12-more details on Twitter.50 Shades of Grey: Confessions of a Former Porn Addict "The book's all about what he wants, what he finds sexually pleasurable. "The books don't bring women's sexuality to the fore in their representation of sex they bring a male desire to the fore, and a male shaping of what women should want," she argues. If you look at the lists in battered women's shelters of signs to watch out for, Christian Grey actually matches them all."Ĭollins says highlighting women's sexuality is a good thing-but 50 Shades doesn't do that in any meaningful way. That's the key to knowing you're in a battering relationship, when you start to measure the mood of the man you're with and carefully moderate yourself. We talk about the character, how she's always scared of him. "They come at me in a very hostile way, saying, 'I love this book.' But when we start to talk about it, the hostility goes right down.
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There can be no doubt that these movie protests are going to piss off some of the (millions of) die-hard fans who see both the book and film as a bit of harmless escapism. It also allowed women a space in which to talk about sex and their own sexuality, which is so often sidelined or overwhelmed by male desire.
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It also inspired a line of sex toys and a baby onesie reading: "Nine months ago my mommy read 50 Shades of Grey."Įveryone you knew was reading it, everyone was talking about it, everyone was copying things from it.
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Still from '50 Shades of Grey' courtesy of UPI MediaĬlearly not everyone agrees with Dines's standpoint: Some would argue her assessment of female sexuality is slightly patronizing, and when it comes to 50 Shades, at the height of its popularity two copies of the book were being sold every second. As violent porn becomes more mainstream, we have to talk about why BDSM is becoming more mainstream." Sexuality never exists outside of the culture in which it's happening. In a society where one in four women are sexually abused, in a society where men get off on raping, mutilating, torturing, and murdering women-I do think we have to put BDSM in that context. Now, that's not everyone, but I do have trouble with BDSM. Sadistic men on the hunt for young, traumatized girls who are easy pickings. "A lot of BDSM is actually just 'S': It's sadism. "Everyone's talking about how the BDSM community doesn't like 50 Shades, and the reason is because it reveals what's going on," she says. Let me tell you, if this guy was living in a council house on welfare, he would not be so attractive."ĭines has her own take when it comes to the BDSM debate. "She doesn't know her own body, she doesn't know what an orgasm is, she doesn't know what the clitoris is-she's never had sex. " Fifty Shades tells a story of what is really grooming by a stalker-a seasoned perpetrator going after a much younger, more immature woman," Dines continues. Still from 50 Shades of Grey courtesy of UPI Media